The following are your tasks, my friend, if you so choose to take them...
BACKGROUND #1
You are living with symptoms that don’t add up to any well-known
disease. You have terrible pain either in conjunction with your cycle, or
sometimes all the time, pain during intercourse and bowel and bladder problems.
Your period is often heavy or irregular. You are constantly fatigued and
nauseated, and, to your immense unhappiness, you are having trouble conceiving.
TASK#1
Convince a doctor to figure out what is wrong with you. Go
to specialist after specialist and describe your symptoms. Don’t get frustrated when he or she sends you
to a different doctor, saying that whatever you have is not under their
jurisdiction. Try not to become overwhelmed when you are sent for MRI’s, CT
scans, X-rays, sonograms, and blood tests and they all come back negative. Pretend
to be strong when you are told time after time that nothing is wrong with you. Try
not to kill the doctor who tells you that your symptoms are all in your head.
--
BACKGROUND #2
Imagine your abdomen and pelvis are indeed encased in barbed
wire so that the spikes of the wire are actually piercing them, stabbing them
sharply every time you move. Now imagine that the barbed wire is actually
attached to some sort of electrical current that shoots electricity through the
spikes, increasing the intensity of each penetration. Next, add a machine that alternates
shooting the electrical spikes into the body and pulling them out again in
random intervals, thus adding a surprise and shock factor to the pain. Lastly,
in addition to the shocking electrical stabbing pain, there are deep,
underlying waves of pain that crush and release the muscles, causing a cramp so
excruciating it takes your breath away.
TASK #2
Live with the
aforementioned pain for a minimum of one week of the month, and for maximum of
every day of your life. Act normally,
smile and say “great” when someone asks you how you are, or carry on a three
minute conversation. Perform every day activities, like food shop, or make
dinner. Go out with your friends a night, see a movie and try to sit for the
full two hours without fidgeting. Go to work and act like all the other employees,
make sure no one knows you’re in pain. Go
on a date with your significant other and make love to him or her without
mentioning the agony you are in once.
--
BACKGROUND #3
You have been in excruciating pain for the past three days.
You’ve tried every method of pain relief possible, from a hot water bottle to heavy-duty
narcotics. Nothing has helped. You are
at the point where you would wish you were not alive, and you decide to go to
the emergency room.
TASK #3
Wait three hours in the waiting room, writhing in agony
until you are triaged and they decided you are in enough pain to earn a coveted
bed in the emergency room. Change into gown while you feel like you are going
to pass out. Next, drag yourself over to the bathroom to ensure that you get
your all-important urine in a cup before
you even dare to think about receiving pain medication. Stumble your way over to your bed and try to hold
your screams in while you are prodded and stabbed with an IV needle. Wait another hour before a doctor actually saunters
over to you like he has all the time in the world. Try to explain to the doctor
how much pain you are in, what endometriosis is, and how much medication you
need, and then try again after he accuses you of having ‘drug seeking behavior’.
Try for the third time after he prescribes Motrin for you instead of the
narcotics that you most definitely need. Wait another hour to receive the
narcotics you so valiantly fought for. Attempt with all your strength to not
yell at the nurse who goes on break instead of getting the pain medication that
she promised to get you. And lastly,
continue to be optimistic as you leave the hospital while contorting in agony,
no better off than when you came.
--
BACKGROUND #4
Your body feels as though you are nine-months pregnant with
quadruplets. Your limbs feel like they are wrapped in lead, and your eyelids covered
in cement. All you want to do is climb into bed and sleep for sixteen hours. In
addition to the exhaustion, you are immensely nauseated at all times. Every item
that you place in your mouth causes you to either become nauseated or throw up.
TASK#4
Make sure that you do not slack off while doing any of your
everyday activities. Ensure that you eat enough to keep your energy high. Go to
work. Fulfill every task you have there without once slowing down. Do not drink
any caffeine, as it makes you sick. Go out to eat with friends but don’t let
them know that you can’t eat anything on the menu. Don’t get hurt when they call you “flaky” for
cancelling on them. Play ball and horse around with your children, if you are
fortunate enough to have any. Feed, bathe and dress them and put them to bed.
Ensure that they are unaware of your exhaustion. Spend time with your
significant other without yawning. Sleep six hours a night, wake up refreshed
and repeat.
--
BACKGROUND #5
You are tried for many years to conceive. Despite numerous medications
and shots, intrauterine inseminations and in-vitro fertilizations, you still
remain childless.
TASK #5
Pretend to be happy when your friend is pregnant. Paste a
smile on your face and hug her without letting your jealousy and anger emanate
through. Jump up and down and scream when your sister or sister-in-law has a
baby and jump at the opportunity to baby sit whenever you are asked. Continue to spend as much time as you can with
all your pregnant and parent friends and ooh and ahh over their children’s pictures
when they are shown to you proudly. Never, ever let it slip that you wish you
had one of your own.
Make sure that your relationship with your husband remains
sensual despite the constant need to plan sex. Don’t let your sex life become
all about getting pregnant, and try not to remind him that you are ovulating when
you are making love. Try not to focus too much on the all the money
you have spent on trying to become pregnant. And don’t allow yourself to become too disappointed when you
get your period every month.
Would you choose any of these tasks if it were up to you?
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